We received a rather disturbing email in the office this week:
We’re at it again! Nov. 10, this time! Pecans are falling & pear preserves are made. Wish you could be here! Fruitcake Sylvia
For those of you who are not familiar with Sylvia, she is one of the parties responsible (in case you’re looking to place blame) for the annual “Springfield Defends Fruitcake” event held every year since 2001 in Springfield, South Carolina. The town of Springfield is tired of people maligning the “poor, defenseless fruitcake” (Slogan: What has fruitcake ever done to you?) so they host this event every year to celebrate the monstrosity. Apparently, this year’s event is on November 10 from 9 am to 2 pm, and is held, as always at Springfield High School. If they host it in the cafeteria (and I wouldn’t be surprised) this could elevate the quality of school lunches, but, based on our history with fruitcake, probably not by much.
Here’s what goes on at SPRINGFIELD DEFENDS FRUITCAKE:
Anyone can enter a fruitcake in competition, but tying a note to your entry and lobbing it through the window is highly discouraged. Most of the cake is reserved to be sold; a small section is cut into bite-sized pieces that attendees may sample while enjoying a cup of coffee. If they like, visitors may also cast penny votes for their favorite cakes. A panel of experienced judges (aka: people familiar with antacids) chooses the winner, based on appearance, presentation, and especially taste; the penny votes are considered but are not the sole factor.
Prizes are awarded. First prize: you don’t have to take home any fruitcake.
If that doesn’t boggle your mind just a bit (“especially taste”), let us repeat: the fruitcakes are for sale. Sylvia informs us that some bakers are “generous” enough to donate more than one cake. This just magnifies an already overwhelming problem, but no matter how much we plead, Sylvia and her minions will not stop.
Other things for sale are arts and crafts, soup and cornbread. With any luck, portions are generous enough that people won’t get desperate and actually try to eat the fruitcake.
Proceeds will benefit our school restoration project. If they had taken our advice and just used the fruitcakes to rebuild the school, they could have finished the project by now. Perhaps it’s much larger than we think.
If, for reasons we’ll never understand, you want to attend this event, more information can be obtained by calling the Springfield Defends Fruitcake Committee at: 803-258-3764.