A fruitcake is a geological homemade cake.
-- Charles Dickens

• If laid end-to-end, all the fruitcakes exchanged in one holiday season would stretch around the equator, causing the majority to sink like lead in the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans.
• The United States city with the largest fruitcake consumption per capita is Worms, Nebraska.
• Each recycled fruitcake circumnavigates the globe an average of 27 times before it ends up in the hands of someone who will actually eat it. Aficionados call this "aging" and claim it enhances the flavor.
• No one has ever purchased a fruitcake for themselves.
• You can't make a cat eat fruitcake.*
• The ancient Egyptians considered fruitcake an essential food for the afterlife. When interviewed, most Americans agreed, stating that they, too, would rather die before eating it.
*If you can, we want to see your video

Fruitcake Proliferation: Recycling is the Answer

If you care about the future of the earth, the time to act is now. If you receive a fruitcake this holiday season, please keep the tradition alive. Pass it on. It's the perfect way to say, "I care more about the environment than I care about you," in a way that fulfills your gift-giving obligation and societal guilt in one step.

If you have no one to give your fruitcake to, send it to our Recycling Center, where our workers are busily working on solutions to the fruitcake proliferation problem. Mail your securely wrapped fruitcake to:

To thank you for your participation, we send each fruitcake contributor an exclusive "I recycled a fruitcake" button so you can show your family and friends how environmentally conscious you are. Include your return address with your fruitcake to receive this gift.

At Christmas, every time you hear a bell ring

it could be someone at your door with a fruitcake.